Double Teamed
by punkyt0ast3r
Summary: Crack Fic  This is really stupid, lacking plot, and just for fun. Disgusting too. Do not read. JockeyxLouisxSmoker


**A/N: Hey guys! It's Punky! You probably won't want to read this story. It really is a crack fic, and is NOT serious at all. There's really no point in flaming it. I wrote it for scoottt (go check out her profile) out of love. I'm trying to get back into writing…AGAIN. Please do not take this seriously. If it offends you…too bad. That's life. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Valve/Steam/L4D2/L4D or any associated characters. They belong to the company. **

"Louis, hurry!" shouted the black man's buxom team-mate. He heard the cry of a tank behind him, and the answering cry of its army. He grabbed for her outstretched hand, missing.

"Zoey!"

He scrambled to his feet, running towards the now ascending helicopter. His other teammate, Francis, shoved Zoey aside, and grabbed onto the door. "Louis, if you don't get your black ass in here…we're leaving! HURRY!"

Fueled with rage at the tattooed man's comment, he regained a bit of muster and took a running leap. SNATCH

Louis latched onto the helicopter's leg, holding on for dear life as they fled the scene of Mercy Hospital.

After refilling the helicopter several times, and being lost for hours…the team was at their wits end, especially our favorite tie-wearing fellow.

"Hey guys! A little help here!" His fingers had gone numb hours ago. It was a miracle that he was still hanging on.

"Aww, quit your whining!" shouted the army veteran, Bill.

"You know, I'm tired of Louis. All he does is shoot us, get in the way, and horde all the pills…I can't take it anymore!" cried Francis. Zoey looked on with intrigue, wondering when Francis had become so hot.

"Shit, Zoey!" he cried, his grip finally coming to its end.

"Shut up!" Francis shot at Louis' hand…surprisingly not drawing any blood, or making any wounds…but forcing him to let go.

"See you next fall!"

Louis' cries went unheard as the helicopter went on its merry way… only to go down in flames seconds later as Francis tried to show off his gun juggling skills, which ended up with the guns dropping. That lead to them going off, and shooting the pilot…and…you get it.

Hours later….

Finally coming to, Louis surveyed his surroundings. The sky was plagued with clouds, barely letting any sun in. Fences were broken down, and half built houses had been abandoned. There was a tree house, and was that a garage sale?

Where was he?

He grabbed the Med Kit conveniently placed next to him. He rubbed his hands up and down his body healing all broken bones.

"Cover me, I'm healin'!" he shouted.

Several infected, rummaging around for brains, turned and gazed on curiously. Who the fuck was he talking to? Did he not realize that he was all alone? They looked at one another, and came to an agreement. They needed to report this strange man to the higher ups.

…..

Our favorite original black character made his way through the car littered streets of the small town.

He looked around him, lonelier than ever without anyone to harass. Wait! There were some people!

He grabbed a female infected by her hair and dragged her over to an abandoned ambulance. With his hand on her shoulder, he gazed deeply into her soul-less eyes, and opened his mouth…

"PILLS HERE! SHOT HERE! MED KIT HERE! WEAPONS HERE! BAT HERE! PILLS HERE! SHOT HERE! MED KIT HERE! WEAPONS HERE! BAT HERE! PILLS HERE! SHOT HERE! MED KIT HERE! WEAPONS HERE! BAT HERE! PILLS HERE! SHOT HERE! MED KIT HERE! WEAPONS HERE! BAT HERE! PILLS HERE! SHOT HERE! MED KIT HERE! WEAPONS HERE! BAT HERE!"

His screeching drew out the rest of the infected, and in 3.5 seconds flat he was surrounded.

"Oh, did you guys want some pills too?" He questioned. Their mouths open, and out came a horrible hissing as they posed for attack.

"Come at me, bitches!" He shouted his new and improved battle cry as he grabbed his bat, and commenced laying down the law.

Just as quickly as they had come, they were gone.

Hehehehehe….

"What's the noise?"

…

"J-J-Jockey!" Louis shouted the warning to himself as he dove into the ambulance. The jockey was fast though. It's pants off, and rearing to go… Louis was in trouble.

All of the sudden, one of the windows shattered. Louis turned in shock and was caught up short when the longest tongue EVER entered his mouth. "Arghhh…" Louis half-moaned, half barfed. The tongue retreated.

Louis choked, and tried to wipe the taste of burnt fleshy cigs out of his mouth.

What was going on?

The door was ripped open, and he was tugged out of the vehicle. He felt himself slammed to the ground, and cold air hit his legs.

"What? What are you doing? Pants here?" Louis shouted as the smoker held up the garment.

Hehehehe….

"Oh my-!" Louis choked as the Jockey's genitals were slammed into his mouth. This was very different than having it slammed into the back of his head.

Louis' eyes widened as he felt the Smoker's tongue wrap around his own manhood. Oh my lord! He was being double teamed by two special infected!

**A/N: …..I'm sure we don't want me to end this. So…. Thanks for reading. This is crap. I know. It's for my friend. LOL **


End file.
